The Incomplete List of Trail Rider Terms & Definitions:
By Vo Clark (with additions by some other trail folk, this is why it's called The Incomplete List of Trail Rider Terms & Definitions)
Arachniphobic Horseback Fit:
Usually affects only the lead horse and rider on a ride. Generally the horse could care less. Symptoms include the rider frantic swatting at the air and body, ducking, flailing about, etc. usually accompanied by screaming and shouts of, "Get it off me! Get it off me!".
Trail Rider’s Turrets Syndrome:
Closely resembles an Arachniphobic Fit, but usually accompanied by profuse shouted swearing.
Trolls:
They do exist….. Only seen by horses though. They dwell under bridges, behind trees, under bushes, behind fallen logs, rocks, around blind corners, under that tiny leaf in the middle of the trail, etc. and will pop up unexpectedly to spook your mount at the most inopportune times. You may not see it, but your horse KNOWS it’s there and will tell you in any manner he can by either startling, leaping forward, rearing, bucking, spinning, or just by generally buggering and blowing or even all of the above.
Horse Killing Squirrels, Ferocious Chickadees and Other Tiny Creatures:
Some horses are immune to the affects of the presence of these terrifying animals, while others are sure they are going to be murdered and eaten by them. No absolute proof of this yet. These horses are positive these creatures are in league with Trolls.
Mountain Bikers, Joggers, Hikers, Dog Walkers, Etc.:
These are larger versions of Killer Squirrels and Trolls to some horses. They just smell like people. Other horses think they are put on that trail for them so they can get petted or to be used as horsie vending machines for goodies.
Thingamajig Whatchyamacallit Thingy:
Covers a variety of horse related objects for use on the trail or at the trailer, but when asked for, most trail riders know exactly what it is.
The Crackling Of A Wrapper:
Either your horse will bolt and freak out, sure that a troll made the sound, or he will stop dead (causing a pile up of horses behind as horses do not have brake lights) and swing his head around, expecting you to share whatever it is you are opening.
The Fallen Log:
Even if it is only inches tall, some horses will attempt to clear it like it was a 5 foot stadium jump. These are the same horses who will refuse a real stadium jump at a local show. Others will refuse the log, but gracefully leap out of their pasture fencing at home.
The Mud Puddle:
No matter how shallow you know it is, your horses knows more than you and it IS a 10 foot deep pond that must be skirted due to the resident lake monster dwelling within it (related to trolls).
Helmets:
A must for every rider. Not just for protecting the head during a fall, but for keeping from being clocked in the head by the branch the rider ahead of you pushed through and let spring back at you. Perhaps a full suit of armor may also aid in this problem.
EPGS - Equine Pile Guidance System:
A system designed to help horses track who else has been on the trail or to find their way back to the trailer if needed. Maybe cousin Buck passed through recently? The only way to use this system correctly is to sniff every pile they see and leave piles of their own. The EPGS is more popular with the younger, new-to-trail-riding group but some of the old hands like to use it also.
The Roc: (idea contributed by Shortlady5, Idaho)
Actually a helicopter or a low flying airplane, your horse is positive it is a mythical roc-bird out looking for horsemeat. He will duck, spin and try to avoid the loud beast at all costs, or he will freeze in a "deer-in-the-headlights" pose, hoping the winged beast won't see him. Some horses will ignore this mechanical contraption and continue on their merry way. These horses are usually pastured near an airport of some sort.
